Proverbs 18:24 says,
"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Notice this friend does not say anything, they stick close.
Start a conversation.
Say hello. You have been on my heart. Let them take the conversation where they want to go and say you will join them in praise or prayer depending on what they say. Remember it is not your job to fix their sadness but to bring them to the feet of Jesus. Pray with them and for them often. And every time you pray for them send them a message that you are praying for them.Â
A good conversation starter is offering to bring a meal (you can pick up takeout for them you do not need to cook it.)
Read this post I wrote for survivors of loss right after a loss. It will help you get into their mindset and it is short! https://www.goodmourningwithmarilyn.com/post/i-just-lost-my-dear-one-what-now
Keep it going.
If the survivor of a loss is close to you, tell them you will call every week (or stop by) at a specific time and day to check-in. Keep the visit or conversation to 10 minutes or less, as the months go on you can add time but do not stay or talk more than 30 minutes. (..remember they are grieving and will want to connect with others but feel too tired for too much contact...hence the confusion by all who want to help)
It takes consistency for a survivor of loss to feel safe enough to open up. Just listen and offer to pray. It could take a month or two of weekly calls or visits, but I have had countless grievers say they looked forward to my phone calls and they were the only thing getting them through the week sometimes.Â
Fill the Need
Let them tell you what they need and then work on filling it!:
If you visit, offer to help with one project around the house each time you go (especially for widows or widowers). Â
If they are struggling with the holidays offer this Free download of holiday survival to share: https://www.goodmourningwithmarilyn.com/the-holiday-grief-survival-guide
If they are in distress and you don't know how to help and feel lost offer to read the above post on recent loss  with them and discuss together one way you can help with a guidepost.
If they want to connect to God more share this short and encouraging devotional on loss with them. You could go through this together. (https://www.goodmourningwithmarilyn.com/free-ebook-restoredmoments-devo)
Keep it Simple
I love the below illustration which shows how you, in simple ways, can offer compassionate support to someone who is grieving. The illustration comes from the Instagram account refugeingrief, run by Megan Devine https://www.instagram.com/p/BtoOb5_InBp/
Feel free to email me with specific questions. I am happy to try to guide you. GoodMourningwithMarilyn@gmail.comÂ
May God bless you, and your grieving friend, in your efforts to be present! Marilyn
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